Growing up in a hostile environment I developed two main coping strategies. The first one was being smart and making sure every one knew it. The second was retiring into daydreams.
In a pickle
It took me a few webinars before plucking up the courage to ask a question. The first few webbies I would arrogantly roll my eyes when one of my fellow travellers asked a question I felt they should KNOW the answer to (I am so sorry!!!).
For me asking a question meant failing at being smart, knowing things. But courtesy of the BPB and of Haanel I was in a pickle. They both encourage us to envision ourselves in the future. I thought that would be an easy one! Daydreaming was something I could have had a master’s degree in. I thought I’ve got this.
14. Do not confuse Imagination with Fancy, or that form of daydreaming in which some people like to indulge. Daydreaming is a form of mental dissipation which may lead to mental disaster.
But intuitively I felt this was not what the BPB, team MKE or Haanel meant. And indeed, when I asked during a webbie if they were the same, I got my answer, they are not!
Now, months later, the dreaming is my marker of slippery slope (is this even English?). I mean, when I notice that dreamy thoughts enter my consciousness during my sit or even when I am busy working on my dharma, I know I have to get a grip on myself. I have to be the watchman at the gate.
When I reassessed myself, I was elated to conclude how much of the road I had already covered. I know that I am not there yet. Sometimes my inner hero gets overwhelmed, mostly with positive developments, occasionally with setbacks. That’s ok, for now.
As the daydreaming is something I want to eradicate -like… now!!!- I decided to to go back to my second week of Franklin Makeover and start again focusing on self-control. Whenever I feel myself slipping into daydreaming, which is time consuming and drains my energy, I take 10 minutes to visualise myself as my future me.
Whenever this occurs I think of that lesson when we were asked to think of our future selves as a friend. Do I want to burden her? Never! She is a busy person, working hard to maintain what she’s/I’ve achieved.
Blue pill or red pill?
Hill’s story about the two envelopes reminded me of that iconic scene in the Matrix.
Where Neo has to choose between a red pill which represents the choice between the sometimes painful truth (What am I pretending not to know?) and the blissful ignorance/illusion of the blue pill with which I can keep on pretending (Life’s not fair, some have it all, I’m just unlucky).
I decided months ago to take the red pill even though life with the blue pill can seem easier. I had rather break a sweat and achieve my dharma, than have the comfort blanket of my self deluding and self pitying me. I am not that person anymore.
A special shout out to my fellow travellers who ask questions after the webinar and don’t fear the possible ridicule of not knowing an answer. I love you for showing me the way!