A year ago a therapist told me that I couldn’t help others before I help myself. She used a brilliant metaphor about the oxygen masks in airplanes. Parents are told to put their own masks first before attending to their children. She is right, of course.
As I am in observer mode -level stealth- I not only notice the resistance from within, I also SEE the resistance from without. And it really bites.
Well meaning people have been telling me for years to get over my procrastination habits, that I should stop wasting time and so on. Unfortunately I have observed these people’s reticence to my new habits. I sometimes find myself apologising for taking time to read, write and reflect.
I am not quite sure how to describe my own reaction to this resistance. I can only compare it to to Swan Queen in the movie Black Swan when the young dancer decides, against common sense and reason, to have a slice of cake. She knows it could damage her performance and even her career, but she feels she is letting down her mother if she refuses the cake.
The only difference is that I comply to the reactionary force and postpone my work to feel conflicted about my lack of spine and feeling sorry for my loved ones being imho overly critical.
As I ponder this reality I also feel sooooo blessed with the support of other loved ones, friends and innocent bystanders who notice my evolutions. Because I feel I am rocketing into space and space is opening its arms for me.
I will not end up as the Swan Queen, I am a shooting star, traveling upwards. Let’s see where this journey takes me!