A change’s gonna come
Change is upon me. This is a good thing because it was about time. I find myself humming ‘do it now’ under my breath – a part from the twice 25 times I say it out loud.
Where I once would have postponed the smallest chores or serious work, I just did some things right away, now.
I even stopped myself from engaging in activities I vowed to renounce for the sake of my DMP, by reading my DMP! I truly believe I am kneading my old blueprint into becoming a new one.
In case you hadn’t noticed, I am patting myself on the back, big time. And I won’t even apologise for it.
Never-ending or new script?
However while poring over Haanel’s 17th point I had a A Sphinx’s Riddle of Judgement moment.
In case you young folks don’t know, this was one of the challenges set to Atreyu, the hero of the Neverending Story film (1984).
‘The Sphinx’s deadly eyes stay closed until someone who does not feel his own worth tries to pass by.’ If that person does not believe in themselves, the eyes laser them down.
Whenever I achieved something big, I more often than not felt I had blagged myself into that accomplishment. At times I felt like an imposter even though I had the necessary credentials and skills to accomplish something or simply to be(long) in a certain place.
My Sphinx, or subconscious will only let me pass if I truly believe myself as being successful. I know it sounds easy enough (in other fairytales there was some clapping involved to prove one believed). But this filled my with anguish: what if, even now, I still am my biggest saboteur? My worst heckler?
Kind of blue, it seems to be working
Nevertheless here we are. Me, number 17 and my soon-to-be new blueprint. I am feeling grateful for sharing and receiving of my fellow participants.
I am learning and having AHA-experiences and seeing blue rectangles all over Barcelona, for real.
In the meantime I am setting my course and enjoying the ride.